Wednesday

On this stormy poopstain of a day, and in honor of the retirement of her majesty, Oprah, I would like to share with you, a story. This is a story of hope, courage, and ultimately failure.

While employed at a delicious, but not so authentic Italian restaurant, a new manager came along one fateful day. He was coming from a restaurant near Harpo Studios, Oprah's studio. It was here that he befriended Oprah staffers as they came in for lunch and because of this, was able to get several members of his new staff tickets to see this beloved woman.

Before we could say Hardees, Desmond, Jody, and I were waiting in line with some of the Midwest's finest. I just new we were going to get some pretty decent air time and then we would have to take it from there. If agents wanted to call, so be it. After an hour or so of waiting in the studio, we saw THE big head making her appearance while Desmond screamed like a little girl. Everything happened so fast when suddenly, Oprah was standing next to me taping the beginning of the show by talking to the people across the aisle from me. We had been told to sit down, so I kept a smile plastered on my face as I stared at Oprah's butt. I realized I should check the monitors to make sure I was portraying myself accurately and that's when I saw it. OPRAH'S BUTT WAS COVERING MY FACE AND ENTIRE BODY! Millions of people across the world were not going to be given the gift of my face! What a bunch of crap!

She didn't even give out any gifts.....except for lingering visions of her wedgie of course.

Blocked

It's happened. I have blogger's block. You know what this means, I'm stealing from other bloggers for the time being. Don't worry, I have her permission and in the meantime, I'm watching 'The Voice' for inspiration. I'm rooting for the black dude on Adam Levine's team. Okay, I just googled it and his name is Javier Colon. That's unfortunate. *Update: I just googled Javier again and he is TOTALLY NOT black! Sorry. He is Domenican and Puerto Rican. Domincan + Puerto Rican = dark skinned!

The blog I have chosen to steal from is one of my faves, Peppermint Bliss. I don't just steal from anyone, this girl is fuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnyyyyyyy. I totally thought I'd come back to Chicago for the summer, "run" into her in Lincoln Park (I have an idea of where she lives based on her pictures), and we'd be besties for life. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. She's just up and moving to Texas and I do NOT appreciate that. Who am I suppose to hang out with all summer, Derek? No way. Tess? Yeah right. She'll be a newlywed soon. That leaves me with the dog. I suppose if I can't have Peppermint, Diego is the next best. Here you go, hope you like.

"Lies that Chelsea Handler told me…

Let me start this off by saying I am ridiculous person.

I know it, my husband knows it, and I am sure that if any of you have been reading this for any period of time you have at the very least begun to suspect it.

I am sure sometimes it comes off as out of touch, but I prefer to look at my way of thinking as magical. Like when you are little and your parents tell you that you can do anything, like I took that a little far in my minds eye and sometimes really believe the delusions in my head are going to happen.

Like two years ago when I went to 4 Britney Spears shows on her circus tour dressed like this:

And this:

And never for one second doubted that one of her people would see me and think, “Britney has to see this!” and whisk me backstage. And I was genuinely downtrodden when that didn’t happen. Like I for real was surprised and disappointed. And I know that sounds really entitled. And I am sure this quirk I am trying to make sound endearing is actually an offshoot of some horrible brat only child flaw, but I also think that there is a possibility that this way of thinking could be really a good thing. Like say if someone had larger aspirations than meeting Britney Spears and approached achieving their goals with the same kind of optimism and earnest? I think that would be a really wonderful thing to behold. And at times when I put my mind to important things it does sort of feel like I am willing them into being, and that feels amazing.

Last night was one of those times.

Except not with something important.

Last night I went to go see Chelsea Handler with my good friend Read. When we got there we realized that somehow we had procured for ourselves tickets that were basically on the stage. Like there were the normal front row seats of the theatre, and then there were 4 rows of folding chairs set up with the closest row ending inches from the stage and that is where our seats were.

Me sitting in my seat with my feet on the stage.

I am looking VERY pregnant these days and the first thing Read said when we sat down is, “Chelsea is totally going to call you out”. And I blushed and laughed like I hadn’t already thought the same thing. And like I hadn’t tweeted Chelsea to give her a friendly heads up that we were going to be there. Like in case she reads her tweets before going on stage, she might want to know that.

So first Brad Wollack comes out and does his bit and was great, I really like when comedians interact with the audience and can carry an on-the-spot joke through and keep connecting it to different parts of their set. It’s smart. It’s good. Next Heather MacDonald came out and was probably the goofiest human I have ever stared directly up towards and was hilarious. Then Josh Wolf came out and talked about going #2 in his pants on his first date with his wife, so obviously that was a winner. And then it was time for Chelsea.

She comes out and greats Chicago and goes “You guys are all so cute, you’re a good looking city!” and starts scanning the audience and then looks directly at me and goes, “Oh my GOD. Are you pregnant? I hope so.” And I said yes, immediately feeling nervous about my obviously significant powers over the universe to wish my dreams into reality.

And she goes, “How pregnant??” My head starts spinning like how can I succinctly answer this question, and also indicate to her that we are equals and that I would be a good candidate for best friendship. “7 months”

And she goes, “Do you know who the father is?? Are you in a relationship with him??” And I like a total dbag was like “Yeah I think I have a hunch who he is” like ohhh the cleverness of me. I have a “Hunch”. What a TOOL. Ugh I am just the worst sometimes.

Anyway. My point is that basically Chelsea Handler opened her show in Chicago with me last night, just like I had willed it. So I am thinking my best friendship with Britney Spears is really only a matter of time now. Hopefully I won’t act like such a jackass when that happens."

Dibs.

There's somebody I would like to call dibs on before she becomes a monstrous hit in the United States and I can no longer claim her for myself. She's the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on and I love her with all my heart. Please meet Chery Cole.
WHAT.A.BABE. I LOVE HER. I LOVE HER. I LOVE HER. I SERIOUSLY LOVE HER.

Look at those dimples!
Just wait until you hear her speak!
I go to England just to watch her on tv. (Okay, AND to see Carlie and Jimmy.)(But not really.)
And now she's coming to America, HALLELUJAH!

Cheryl is a judge on the British 'X-Factor,' along with Simon Cowell, and now she's also a judge on the new American version. She's absolutely charming and she's Englands little love child. Her and Simon are so wonderful together and I am saddened that her time over here will be tainted by nonsense from another judge, Paula Abdul. Paula is a troll.

In a few months when you find yourself falling in love, please remember she is mine.

I LOVE CHERYL COLE! A LOT!

It's Good To Be Back

Boy oh boy, did I drop the ball this past week! I had parties, wedding showers, shopping, and dress altering to attend to, but I'm back, my little chicklets!

Now on to the important stuff: Good ideas! I barely even think these days, so coming up with a good idea is RARE! But a few months ago, it happened! A good idea popped into my head. I was desperately trying to figure out how to eliminate or at least reduce the amount of cellulite on my bod, while doing as little work as possible. This led me to google, and after a few hours of reading, VOILA, I had the answer. I'll make a homemade 'cellulite scrub!'

Supposedly this is a secret of the stars and it's to be done twice a day. Not only is the scrub itself suppose to work, the scrubbing increases circulation and ideally works out some of those lumps. (Don't say "ewww," you know what I'm talking about.) Okay, are you ready for it? Mix together coffee grinds, sugar, and olive oil. See, easy! The caffeine in the coffee is suppose to actually help the cellulite and everything else exfoliates and moisturizes.

Unfortunately, I let my creation dry out (and then we moved) before I saw actual results, but alas, it still turned out to be awesome. This was the most amazing body scrub I've ever used! My skin was SO soft and SO smooth. I've just made a new batch of this stuff and thought you all might want to try it!

And now only because the homemade stuff smells like coffee, I will most likely be ordering this in a few weeks-
COCONUT! I like to imagine heaven smells like this.

Dear Diary

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend full of sunshine and love.

Mine sucked.

I went shopping. And saw myself in fantastic lighting. In a three way mirror. And now I will kill myself.

Some thoughts from my time at the mall:

• I hate people.
• I really hate girls.
• I hate myself.
• Where did this ball of flab on the side of my thigh come from?
  
• I am not good at color blocking.
• Turning your medium sized cotton underwear from Target into thongs so you don't have an underwear line is not comfortable.
• I hope everyone at this mall dies. Today.
• Why do I have backne at 28?
  
• Teenagers are SO stupid.
• Girls are SO stupid.
• I wish my rings weren't getting cleaned so I can wear those and people will know that, despite how pathetic I may look, I actually found a guy to marry me. (My husband hates me and finds me incredibly unamusing, but that's besides the point.)
• Wow, my legs are pale.
  
• Wow, my legs are hairy.
• Wow, my legs are dry.
  
• Wow, I have no calves.
• Wow, my face is greasy.
• This dinnerware set from Anthropologie is exactly what I've been looking for. (I'll share later!)

And then thankfully, dinner with Tess came along and washed the suck away!

Are you having a laugh?

As I'm sure you know, today was the Royal Wedding. A ROYAL WEDDING! Americans seem to be pretty gaga over it, so I can only imagine how crazy England is going. In honor of this most magnificent day, I thought I'd go ahead and post some pictures from my time in London. They have absolutely nothing to do with the wedding though. My best friend Carlie lives in London, actually just north of London, in Welwyn Garden City. But don't you go pronouncing it Wel-win, it's pronounced Wellan. London is awesome and those girls have MAD style. Lots and lots of awesome boots, lots of layering, lots of jewlery, and lots of pale skin! Enjoy!
And my favorite.........
........that's Carlie's car. It was originally lined up with the other cars and she forgot to put it in park!

Congratulations Will and Kate, suckeeeeeerrrss! Marriage is ROOOUUUGGHH!

You'll thank me!

Do you, like me, long for the perfect chocolate chip cookie? But more than just eating the perfect cookie, do you long to bake the perfect chocolate chip cookie yourself? Me too sister, and I am here to help.

Italy doesn't really have chocolate chips or really any of the same desserts/treats we have here, so I am forced to take over my own vanilla, brown sugar, and chocolate chips. I had been saving my stuff for a good occasion because my supply was not plentiful. I also wanted to make sure I got the recipe perfect because there was no room for a do over. One of the other girls had tried to make oatmeal raisin cookies that she said tasted delicious, but were in liquid form. This led me to do a little research and I discovered that high altitude recipes really are needed and really do work! (We are in the mountains in Italy.) So when Christmas rolled around last year, I decided this was the moment I had been waiting for, but not without reading website after website about chocolate chip cookies.

I know that probably sounds beyond boring, but I honestly found some awesome and interesting info on this delicious little treat and I wanted to share them with you. I tend to just go ahead and use the Nestle's Tollhouse recipe found on the back of the bag because I've never found a recipe that actually tastes better, yet my cookies always end up flat. It seems that lots of people have this problem. Well, I found this rather ghetto looking website with tons of good tips that I took to heart and ended up making one of my best batches ever. I used the high altitude recipe along with the tip of keeping the dough cold and using several different trays for baking, so you're never using a hot tray. Brills!
I also found this article posted on the New York Times website and I honestly found it really interesting. Once again, it may bore you, but I love bakeries and am constantly wondering how they make their items so delish. This article interviews several bakeries asking what their trick is to such a good cookie and guess what, they all refrigerate the dough for a good amount of time before baking. TA-DAAAA!! Not only do these bakeries do this, the actual recipe for Toll House cookies, at Toll House, use to call for the dough to be refrigerated, but was then left out of the recipe on the back of the bag. I couldn't believe this revelation either!

"And by Ruth Wakefield, it turns out. “At Toll House, we chill this dough overnight,” she wrote in her “Toll House Cook Book” (Little, Brown, 1953). This crucial bit of information is left out of the version of her recipe that Nestlé printed on the back of its baking bars and, since in 1939, on bags of its chocolate morsels."

I ended up making my dough about 36 hours before I baked the cookies and they tasted great. Let me know how your cookies turn out if you should try out any of these tips! And because I tipped you off to such wonderful and useful information, I would really appreciate a box of the cookies. Just saying.......

Twinzies

Like so many Fridays before, I found myself at home watching television this past Friday. I stumbled across some concert type of thing, but only caught Carrie Underwood's performance. And booooy, did she light. it. up. The girl has an amazing voice and I couldn't help but daydream about all of our striking similarities. I haven't figured out if we're suppose to be friends or just know of each others existence, but there's definitely sparks flying between us.

• We're both married to hockey players.
• We're both vegetarians.
• We're both Christian.
  
• We both have luscious blond locks.
• Carrie won American Idol and I wan(ted) to try out for American Idol.
• Carrie is in the new movie, 'Soul Surfer,' and I was a 'back-up' in our high school production of 'Grease.'
• Carrie is from Oklahoma and I'm from Illinois..... We've both got some honkey tonk in us.

We would have such a laugh over this. Twinzies.

*For Carrie's eyes only: Carrie, if you want to get coffee or even ice cream or something, contact me through my blog and I'll be in touch. Thanks!
*For everyone's eyes: Remember that girl Tess I keep talking about? We got into an actual, legit argument many years ago over who was better and who would win American Idol, Carrie Underwood or Bo Bice. Bo who? I know, right?! I win.

Looky, looky

Heeyyy-yyyoooo! I am flabberghasted and honored to announce I have been given an award from my girl Erin over at Sometimes Blonde! This award has ruuuulllyyy made it's way around the blog world and I believe it has very simple rules: Pass it on and name ten random facts about yourself.

1. I'm legally blind in my left eye.

2. My favorite movie is Sister Act 2. (Inspiring!)

3. My favorite N'Syncer was the gay one, Lance.

4. I love condiments, specifically sour cream.

5. At 28 years of age, I just got diagnosed with my first cavity two weeks ago.

6. I married my high school sweetheart.

7. I went to (and graduated from!) beauty school.

8. A guy once told me in college, probably while I was 'flirting,' "You're not as cute as you think you are."

9. I once applied to The Real World. I did not make it. Thank God for unanswered prayers!

10. I have a (small) birthmark on my left knee. Every year when summer rolls around and I air out my legs, Derek says to me, "Hey, you have some chocolate on your knee."

Now I pass this sacred award on to my TT, Tess over at Tessaboo. She is absolutely LOVELY and HILARIOUS, but I can almost guarantee she will not keep this going. Who can blame her? I don't! She's planning a wedding for early June and she hates life.

Night, night.

The Best Thing I Ever Ate

I've done the unthinkable. I've gone and gotten myself a job! I'll just be nannying, so it's not exactly brain surgery, but it still requires a lot of my time, so posts may be a bit sporadic in the coming months. Don't cry my loves, I'll still be around!

Now, in honor of one of the best meals I've ever had at an extremely cute restaurant in Chicago, Cafe Touche, I'd like to start a new topic that I'll bring back every once in awhile. Have you ever seen that show on the Food Network, 'The Best Thing I Ever Ate?' They do different episodes with appetizers, salads, desserts, etc. Well I thought that would be fun to do here! I've had the opportunity to live in an amazing food city for the past eight years, so I've tasted some mighty delicious things, plus I LOVE food so, so, so much.

Let's just start out with a bang and go with 'The Best Thing I Ever Ate......Ever!'

Carrot Cake
from

Hub 51This is absolutely the most amazing thing I've ever tasted in my life!

The carrot cake itself is moist and delish, but of course the cream cheese icing will be what makes you poo your pants! You see those two scoops? You think it's ice cream, right? It's not. One scoop is whipped cream and the other is a huge scoop of CREAM CHEESE ICING! I really don't have much else to say about it, other than it's the most delicious thing I've ever eaten.

*Not to completely change the subject, however, I have some really great news to share! Did anyone read my former post about adoption?! Specifically Brad and Tara?! After two court dates and about a month in Ethiopia, they finally passed and will be coming home soon with their new son, Jacob! He's about four months old I believe, so adorable, and I know everyone is just so happy for them!

Goodbye!

May I Just Have 3 Minutes Of Your Time?

Don't retire Regis! LIVE FOREVER!!!



Are you having a bad day? A bad week? A bad life?
Watch this entire video, you'll feel alive again!



Have a good weekend!

Rantin' & Ravin'

I've worked in the restaurant biz for a really long time and have met so many awesome people, but have also met a good number of douchebags. No names will be mentioned, but one of the biggest douchers came in the form of a chef several years ago. This guy was a nightmare and I'm really rooting for his new restaurant to FAIL! I only realized about two months ago just how much of a tool he was/is.

While we were still in Italy, I was sitting there, eating Nutella by the spoonful. I was deep in thought when my mind went back to this chef explaining one of his desserts. He had spent several years in a certain European country and began to tell us of a "snack" mothers and grandmothers served the children when they got home from school. Based on this snack, he came up with some magical chocolate creation that was served with some crisp type things and sprinkled with sea salt.

HE WAS TALKING ABOUT NUTELLA! WHAT A LOSER!

Europeans eat Nutella on bread all the time. Unbelievable and not exactly creative dude!

Onto........
A different chef! I have no clue who this guy is, but he created a delicious recipe that use to be on the menu at Maggiano's. I don't eat here often because I live in Chicago and there are a million restaurants to choose from. However, they use to serve a dish, 'Shells with Roasted Vegetables,' that I loved. I did a little google search and voila, I found the recipe! It looks hard, but it's super easy. It just has several different steps. The recipe should be followed exactly or it won't taste the same, trust me! Hope you like it!

Maggiano's Shells with Roasted Vegetables

Makes 4 servings

Ingredients for roasted vegetables

• 2 ½ oz olive oil
• 3 Tbsp basil pesto
• 20 oz mix of zucchini and yellow squash
• 12 oz peeled carrots
• 1 lb button mushrooms, washed and dried
• Kosher salt
• Fresh ground black pepper

Instructions

1. Pre-heat oven to 500 degrees. Combine pesto and oil together and reserve. Cut the squash and carrots into ¾ inch dice and toss with 2 oz of pesto/oil. Toss the mushrooms with remaining pesto oil. Place vegetables—don't crowd--on a sheet tray and season with salt and pepper. Roast at 500 degrees until nicely browned and cooked through. Reserve.

Ingredients for parmesan broth

• 1 qt chicken broth
• 4 oz Parmigiano Reggiano rinds

Instructions

1. Combine broth with cheese rinds. Simmer slowly to infuse broth---about one hour. Be careful to stir rinds so they don’t stick and burn on bottom of pot. After one hour, puree rinds and broth. Strain through a fine strainer. Reserve.

Ingredients for pasta

• 1 lb shell pasta
• 1 oz olive oil

Instructions

1. Cook pasta in a large pot of salted, boiling water for approx 6 to 7 minutes. Drain pasta (DO NOT RINSE.) Toss with olive oil and reserve.

Ingredients for sauce

• 1 Tbsp finely-minced garlic
• 2 oz butter
• Reserved parmesan broth
• Simple tomato sauce, ½ cup
• 2 Tbsp sundried tomatoes in olive oil, drained
• Reserved roasted vegetables
• 2 Tbsp basil pesto
• Reserved pasta
• Freshly ground pepper and salt
• grated Parmigiano reggiano

Instructions

1. In saute pan, sweat garlic with 1 Tbsp butter without browning. Add reserved parmesan broth, tomato sauce, dried tomatoes, and roasted vegetables. Heat to bubbling. Add pesto and remaining 1 oz. of butter. Bring back to a simmer. Add reserved pasta and cook together to blend all flavors. Taste and adjust seasonings by adding salt and pepper. Serve with grated cheese on top.

A Favorite Quote By A Favorite Friend

"Hey Bec - last Friday was the 16th anniversary of my Bar Mitzvah. Thanks for remembering! I knew I couldn't count on you!"
-Adam Wolgomat

Cawlie!

In honor of the upcoming royal wedding, I'd like to introduce you to someone. She's not a member of the royal family, nor is she even British. She does happen to live in London however, so without further ado, I present to you.....

M'lady, Carlie "She said I cannot use her last name"My best friend.
One of my favorite gals.
The worlds sickest woman....
OOOOOOR
The most major hypochondriac of all time.

I've known Carlie for a very long time and have even had the privilege of living with her at different times. We've had unbelievable amounts of fun together during this friendship, but then sometimes she turns into a real bummer and comes to me with MULTIPLE health concerns. And I am not talking strep throat. I'm talking Parkinson's, Diabetes, the beginnings of Alzheimer's, Hodgkin's, chronic fatigue syndrome, and of course cancer. She's not picky, any type of cancer will do!

Here she is suffering from an intense Raynaud's flare up. Not kidding.
This girl is literally crazy.

I'll tell you what doesn't help - she works with people with brain injuries, so she's always finding out about new possible medical problems and wanting to do 'assessments' on whoever she can get her hands on. My favorite thing though, is her addiction to water. Carlie and her boyfriend Jimmy came to visit us in Italy, and while on the train, Jimmy kept track of her water consumption. A nightmare come true, she ran out of water and hadn't had a drink in an alarming 11 to 12 minutes. She began complaining of dehydration and even made Jimmy take a look at her tongue to show him how dry it was! This story ends well though, she lived. Whew!

Carlie is obviously a little mental, yet so, so, so, so funny! I adore Carlie and am so grateful we're still friends after all these years. She makes me laugh, she makes me cry, and she lets me talk for VERY long periods of time. Thanks m'lady, you're the best! xoxoxoxoxoBFF&E&E&E!

And one, and two, and three, and four

Like I mentioned before, summer is on it's way! I think we all know what that means.....

Bikini time! Yikes!

I'm trying something new this year, fingers crossed!

I'm going to look so HOT!